Disney Announces Muppet Porn App for iPhone
Celebrity spokesperson Britney Spears announced Monday that the Walt Disney Company and Apple have cooperated in a joint venture to bring soft pornography featuring the Muppets to Apple’s hot new line of iPhone apps.
“The success of our Hannah Montana franchise and the buzz generated by our new line of tween panties pretty much assures the success of the venture,” said Ms. Spears, reading haltingly from a teleprompter. “The iPhone is the perfect conduit for Muppet porn. The synergistic relationship between the two brands will bring a new generation of users into the Apple fold.”
Titles for the new line include Let’s Get Piggy With It, Big Bird Lays an Egg, It’s Not Easy Being Tween, Hannah Montana Meets Oscar’s Big Banana, Bert and Ernie at the Y, and Dickle Me, Elmo. The products are in the development stage and will be ready for the Christmas season.
“It’s, like…, the new thing.” said Ms. Spears. “It’s really hi-tech and user friendly and like all that. All you have to do is point and click. I didn’t have a bit of trouble using it. The programs will cost $399 to keep, like…, poor people from using them.”
Pat Robertson, speaking for the Christian Coalition of America, was noticeably upset by the announcement. “This is yet another symptom of moral decay in our society,” he said. “I strongly urge all decent people to boycott these two companies and alert any media advertising the products that such depravity will not be condoned.”
“Oh what does he know?” asked Ms. Spears. “What a hypocrite. Anybody who burns witches has, like…, no room to talk.”
Colonel Tom Parker was unavailable for comment because he is dead.
