Bill O’Reilly Launches Campaign to Save Obama’s Testicles
NEW YORK- In what many see as a valiant bi-partisan effort, Fox News commentator and noted author Bill O’Reilly announced that he was forming a non-profit corporation dedicated to saving Senator Barack Obama’s testicles.
“I hate to see anyone lose their testicles, even menacing political figures who may well be Muslim terrorists and elitist pacifists who have no respect for hard-working Americans,” said O’Reilly.
O’Reilly proposed funding the corporation through private donations on the internet.
“If it worked for Ron Paul, it should work for Obama’s testicles,” observed O’Reilly. “We can reach young people and those who have purchased penis enlargement pills– market segments who fully understand the importance of protecting testicles. Many of them are liberals and should be receptive.”
Mr. O’Reilly outlined the priorities for his new organization.
“The first thing we will do is put 24-hour surveillance on Reverend Jesse Jackson. I don’t think he is making empty threats(see video below). I have always thought there was an undertow of violence in the man’s character. We will also aid the Secret Service in their mission to protect what may become the first jewels by having an expert team of investigative journalist make daily reports as to the health of Obama’s private parts. We also plan to purchase seven athletic supporters complete with cups for Obama to wear, one for each day of the week. Everyone, regardless of political affiliation, may contribute and join. People who donate over one hundred dollars will receive a handsome kangaroo scrotum bottle opener.”
Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.
